Most sane people would think I’m picking on an easy target, but let’s remember that there are enough crazies buying into this garbage for us to still be talking about it. But you know, whatever. Happy New Year, everyone! Hey, I even remembered to change the date in the corner!

Look, if Van Halen can get away with it, so can I.

I’m sure that there are decent-yet-affordable hands-free Bluetooth devices out there which would make prolonged phone conversations less of a hassle for me. That one wasn’t it, however.